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Whether we acknowledge it, we are all participants in a game.

This meta-game operates with clear rules, often overlooked or dismissed by many.

Some individuals become entranced by distractions, focusing on the immediacy of gratification, impressing others, seeking revenge, craving status, or accumulating possessions.

Occasionally, voices rise in protest, complaining about the perceived unfairness of the game’s rules.

Some attempt to escape participation, hiding under the blankets of denial, convincing themselves that they’re not active players. However, this perception is an illusion; we’re all engaged, willingly or unwillingly.

Each action and behaviour represent the moves we make in this intricate game, determining how well we navigate its twists and turns.

Some moves propel us forward, while others have us landing on the proverbial snake, taking us backward on our journey.

The game operates on a relentless clock, ticking in only one direction.

The moves we make have the power to extend the game, to add a few more enjoyable moments to our journey.

And did I mention we only get to play this game once? There is no passing go or restarting.

It’s not about the possessions or status, but about the quality of the moves we choose to make. At the end of the game, the fancy possessions, accumulated status, and material wealth become irrelevant.

All that remains is our subjective evaluation of the game — a reflection of how well we played.

Let’s strive for a well-played game, where the pursuit of enjoyment and meaningful experiences becomes the focal point. Making moves that extend the game and contribute to a life well played.

How’s 2024 treating you? If it feels like a rerun of 2023, you might be nodding along to the familiar tune of the ‘new year, new me’ fallacy.

I get it; I used to fall for it too. But let’s be real – time doesn’t fix things; it’s our habits and behaviours that truly shape us. Time merely compounds those patterns.

Change, my friend, is an inside job. It’s not about waiting for the calendar to turn; it’s about making intentional shifts in our outlook, interpretations of events, and actions.

And if you’re struggling with this change, it might be because your mental software needs an update.

Your current thought processes could be resisting the desired behaviours, creating a gap between intention and action.

The emotional responses further solidify these beliefs, making change seem elusive. It’s like trying to run new software on an incompatible system – there’s resistance.

Why is change so hard?

Well, our minds are wired to resist it, clinging to default settings that prioritize energy conservation, pain avoidance, replication, and energy consumption.

These are like undeletable programs causing glitches in our thinking – long-standing bugs that need fixing.

Consider the faulty lines of code we’ve unintentionally collected – sacrificing ourselves for others, expecting rewards from relentless hard work. These patterns lead to stress, anxiety, and burnout as we chase elusive future rewards, neglecting the present moment.

Does this resonate with you?

The good news is, just like a computer with bugs, our minds can be debugged.

To identify and customize those default settings. This process allows you to handle life’s challenges with confidence and grace, instead of feeling overwhelmed.

Concerned about adding more to your plate? Making a start isn’t about piling on; it’s about taking things off.

Thinking you have to be perfect? Perfection is a myth – progress is what matters. Fear of judgment and distorted thinking are merely hurdles to overcome.

I’ve been there, the frustration, overthinking, and burnout. The sleepless nights spent ruminating and the damage it does to relationships.

If you think calmness and equanimity are reserved for a select few, I’m here to tell you that’s just another erroneous thought.

Change is possible, my friend. Let’s debug those mental programs together and make 2024 a year of genuine transformation.

Let’s talk about acceptance—this powerful, misunderstood tool will transform your thinking and your life.

Ready for a clarity boost and a dash of insight?

Acceptance Demystified

Acceptance is a crucial part of the flexibility we all crave. Picture it as being open to life’s ever-changing script and being adaptable without losing sight of your values.

To be more psychologically flexible, stay present, follow your values, and avoid acting automatically.

Acceptance: The Master Key

Acceptance isn’t just about waving a white flag to life’s challenges. Recognize the good and bad without walls or tantrums. It’s about saying; life happens, let’s roll with it.

What Acceptance Is Not

Not all situations require your liking. It’s important to remember life is a mix of positive and negative experiences.

In Action: When Life Throws Curveballs

Ever had someone ruined your day with their negativity? Here’s where the power of acceptance shines. Instead of diving into the ‘why’ and ‘what ifs’, simply acknowledge the negative thoughts. ‘I notice I’m having these thoughts,’ you say, like clouds passing by. You let them be, and guess what? They lose their grip on you.

The Marvel of Acceptance

When we accept the rollercoaster of life, something magical happens. The negative thoughts and feelings lose their heavyweight status. They become mere whispers in the wind, not thunderstorms that wreck your day. Acceptance is like a muscle—the more you flex it, the stronger and more liberating it becomes.

Your Homework: Mindfulness in Motion

Ready for some acceptance exercises? Here’s one: the ‘I am noticing’ mantra. When negative thoughts come knocking, say aloud (or in your mind) ‘I am noticing…’ and voice your thoughts and feelings. Watch as they lose their grip on you.

Parting Words: You’ve Got This!

Life’s a wild ride, but with acceptance in your toolkit, you’ll navigate the twists and turns like a pro. Accept the good and the bad! Stay mindful, stay accepting.

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, it’s often our impulsive reactions that lead us astray. There’s a saying that perfectly captures this sentiment: ‘What we do during anger, we almost always come to regret.’ This simple truth resonates deeply with all of us who have fallen victim to our own emotions, acting without restraint and later grappling with the consequences.

I can personally testify to the veracity of this statement. Looking back on my journey, I shudder to think about the countless times a lack of self-control has cost me dearly. From relationships marred by heated conflicts to business opportunities lost due to impulsive actions, I’ve navigated a path strewn with the debris of unchecked emotions. But through these experiences, I’ve come to recognize the immense power of mastering one’s emotions and cultivating self-discipline.

One poignant example is the toll my unrestrained anger took on my relationships. In the heat of the moment, I’d find myself shouting hurtful words during conflicts, inflicting wounds on loved ones that were irreparable. The aftermath was a painful realization of the bridges I’d burned, and the relationships I’d irreparably damaged.

The professional realm, too, bore witness to my emotional shortcomings. I recall firing off angry emails, the text dominated by glaring, attention-demanding ALL CAPS, in response to perceived client slights. In these instances, my anger became a catalyst for poor judgment and rash decisions, causing me to lose valuable business partnerships that were difficult to salvage.

Even in the pursuit of my career dreams, frustration often led me to contemplate giving up entirely. The lack of progress would breed discontentment, and the nagging voice of doubt would coax me towards abandoning my aspirations. It was in these moments that I learned the importance of resilience and persistence, for success rarely comes without its fair share of setbacks.

However, the most heart-wrenching realization was how my inability to control my anger negatively affected my health and personal life. Poor coping mechanisms and bad habits became my refuge, exacerbating the stress and anxiety that accompanied my unchecked emotions. I’ll never forget the times I lost my temper with my children, their innocent outbursts met with my irrational wrath. The damage, and the guilt weighed heavily on my conscience.

It was during these darker moments that I had an epiphany — an understanding that my anger had hijacked my rational self, steering me towards regrettable actions and consequences. This ‘mild madness’ as I’ve come to call it, is an all-too-common human experience. We allow our impulses to take the wheel, only to find ourselves in a place we never intended to be.

In light of my own experiences, I implore you to reflect on the power of your temper and the choices you make in the heat of the moment. Resist the urge to act impulsively, to heedlessly follow the green light that flashes in your mind. Instead, embrace the amber light — that crucial pause before action, where reason and logic reside. This is where you build the foundation of self-discipline, where you foster the ability to navigate your emotions with grace and foresight.

Think of your mind as two distinct parts: the reactive, animalistic ‘monkey mind’ that only sees green, and the higher brain that houses reason, logic, and wisdom. The key to mastering your emotions lies in keeping the latter engaged when emotions are running high. It’s about recognizing the separation between instinct and conscious choice.

When emotions flare, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed by the primal impulses of the monkey mind. Yet, it’s our actions during these moments that truly define our paths. Avoid making significant decisions while under the influence of these emotional surges. These decisions are the demarcation between success and failure, between regret and pride.

Finding that amber light — the space to be present and conscious — is pivotal in maintaining equilibrium. It’s in this space that we can scrutinize our decisions, differentiating between choices driven by fear and insecurity versus those rooted in love, contentment, and virtuosity.

The journey to achieving equanimity and mastering your emotions is not an overnight transformation. It requires dedication, patience, and a commitment to personal growth. Small victories count; each step forward, no matter how incremental, brings you closer to your goal.

Mind control techniques play a pivotal role in this journey. By adopting practices that promote mindfulness, meditation, and self-awareness, you can enhance your ability to pause before reacting and make decisions from a place of centeredness. These techniques facilitate the cultivation of consciousness, helping you consistently make choices aligned with your higher values.

In conclusion, the power of finding the amber light is immeasurable. It’s a skill that can transform your life — enriching relationships, bolstering your professional endeavours, and preserving your mental and emotional well-being. As you navigate the complexities of human emotion, remember that your ability to pause, reflect, and choose your responses wisely is the key to mastering the art of self-control and achieving a more fulfilling, purposeful existence.

If you want to learn more about how I can further help you take control of every aspect of your life so you can be healthier, more successful and happier. I invite you for a free call with me where I will share with you my method and my previous clients’ success stories.

To book your free call click here.

You can’t stay the same, and expect things to change. If you work 60+ hours a week the likelihood is you’ll struggle to focus on your family.

Believe me I’ve been there.

For a long time I was operating on the premise that hard work, long hours and self-sacrifice proved my commitment to my family. And that should suffice.

It’s not easy for someone whose primary identity is that of ‘family breadwinner’ to reassess that identity.

You’re now factoring in the role of Dad and husband.

And when it comes to your relationship, which is definitely not the fairy-tale Disney sold you. Walt forgot to mention that there’d be:

arguments

frustration

disagreements

periods of disconnection

Then there’s parenting, which will test you to levels you never knew existed.

the constant requests (average 3 per minute for toddlers)

the tantrums (these were an adventure)

your attention

physical interaction (rough housing)

emotional support (I was lost when starting out)

And on top you also have your needs, to give your best to your profession.

What you need to understand is being a Dad, a husband, a business owner is easy.

But the being good at them, well that takes skill. A skill I call personal development.

Something my coach, helped me to understand is; to change your situation, you have to change yourself. Which is why I hired a coach.

To ensure I wasn’t guilty of mental masturbation; knowing what I should do but not actioning it. That’s called cognitive dissonance, and it’s a very uncomfortable place to live.

So I developed a system to ensure I could execute the essentials everyday.
Yes, at times it was hard (sometimes it seemed impossible). And I wasn’t perfect. But it worked.

Being consistent with the system saw me become a better father, a better husband, and a better person.

Now, if you’re saying to yourself, ‘I want to, but I don’t have the time’. That’s exactly what I used to think. That’s a limiting belief.

And these beliefs create a narrative, an Eco chamber that keeps you stuck.

Chances are you’re already doing these things. They just need a bit of tweaking to improve the quality and achieve the desired outcome.

That’s why I devised the system with the minimum effective dose in mind. The least amount of work (daily habits) that will yield results.

Click on the link here to learn more about my High Value Executive program.

I had this thought, maybe more of an epiphany when I was 22
and until later on in life I didn’t realise it was such a defining moment.

At the time I was working in a sports centre. It’s so vivid.

I was starting some paper work, and when I opened the ledger I noticed this feeling. I caught myself thinking: ‘I don’t want to do it’.

Never before had I noticed this feeling. This acknowledgement and awareness of this inner voice.

It’d probably always been there, influencing me and dictating my actions and behaviours.

And I remember saying to myself right then and there,
‘what if I use this feeling, these thoughts, as a prompt to do the work?’

Since then this approach has helped me do the work I know will benefit me. Regardless of how I feel about it.

I acknowledge the barrage of excuses that come flooding in when it’s time to do the work. I’m aware and attuned to them, and I use them.

I accept the fact I don’t feel like to doing the work in the moment, and that’s fine. I’m just going to do it anyway.

Instead of them stopping me, I use them as a green light. To push through the resistance and do the work.

I know that this resistance is in my head. There is no physical restraint, just thoughts and feelings.

Which don’t have power over me, or control my actions. Because they don’t exist, I mean in a physical sense.

This isn’t to say I don’t experience the feeling of resistance, I still do. But I acknowledge it’s a suggestion from my mind (to avoid discomfort from the work) and I override it.

You might experience this, but might not be aware of it (as I wasn’t). This resistance, this invisible hand that guides you.

And when the time comes to doing something for yourself. That is beneficial personal or professionally, that is when it makes an appearance.
Wham! A stiff jab of an excuse.

Followed by a powerful hooking feeling of anxiousness.

And then comes the finisher, the big overhand limiting belief, which knocks you down.

There’s the obligatory 10 count but you know it’s futile. You’ve already accepted you’ve lost this one.

But once you get wise to your opponent through awareness. You learn to fight back.

You start winning a few rounds here and there, and before you know it you have these feelings of apathy on the ropes.

Winning these mental battles paves the way for you to start taking action and changing your life.

But what you need to understand is these fights will be ongoing, they never stop.

Your opponent, the resistance, is always going to be there. Ready, waiting every time that bell rings.

But every time you face them, you’re stronger. Because you’ve been working on yourself.

You’ve been taking action to build your mental resilience. To control your emotions. To increase your physical vitality.

You have a plan a purpose. You have more support in the crowd.

Now you actually look forward to the fight. And you want them to give you their best shot.

Because you’ve moved up a level. You’re in a different class to your excuses.

Want to know how to get a high without the guilt or regret? Without the side effects and only a positive impact on your health?

Well here’s how I discovered said means and a guide on how you can do it too.

Trekking in the Himalayas you’re stripped of all comforts and some essentials:

no Wi-Fi
no hot water
no electricity
sometimes no water

So a hot shower at the end of a hard day’s hiking was a pipe dream.

As you go further and further into the mountains everything becomes scarce. The accommodation goes from 1 star to not even a sniff of a star.

Some of the accommodation has showers but no hot water. So you’re faced with a decision. 

To cold shower or not to shower.

My aversion to cold water was very real at the time. But needs must and when I eventually plucked up the courage to take my first cold shower something very interesting happened.

Full disclosure my first experience of cold exposure was traumatic. The searing pain of the cold water, the hyperventilation, the discombobulation from brain freeze.

I remember fighting against the pain telling myself ‘that it wasn’t cold’. Not a good idea!

But I vividly remember the feeling when I got out. I felt so good was elated to the point I was laughing, it felt like I was high.

I thought it might be shock.

As the expedition continued and we ventured further into the baroness of the Khumbu region. The cold showers became more and more frequent.

And the feeling afterwards, the elation was there every time I took one. It became addictive.

And ever since, cold exposure has been part of my day. And my avoidance to the cold has disappeared. No longer does it influence my decisions.

I researched into this strange phenomenon, and I’ve spoken to a neuroscientist. And it turns out it’s the effect cold exposure has on your brain chemistry.

The release of feel good chemicals in your brain Dopamine, neuro epinephrine and epinephrin.

Turns out that cold exposure is super powerful at eliciting these feel good states.

I’ll give you some comparison as to how powerful.

When you drink an alcoholic drink your dopamine levels will 2 X,  peaking at 15 minutes.

And you’ll feel really good.

The bad news is that your dopamine will then drop below your baseline level.

So you’ll start to feel worse than you did before your first drink .

Then your brain will be looking for the next drink to raise your dopamine levels back up.

Some drugs will 2.5 X your dopamine levels which peak at 9 minutes.

This followed by a very rapid decline to below baseline levels aka a crash.

This will see you wanting them more and more, to get you out of these comedowns.

But with cold water immersion your dopamine levels 2.5 X (the same spike as drugs) and they rise for 2.5 hours.

And what’s more, your dopamine levels won’t fall below baseline.

No crash, no comedown. Just the natural high.

The feel good is just one of the many benefits of cold exposure and if you’d like to give it a go you can download my guide.

Cold exposure guide

Speak soon

P.s. If you’d like some information about how I can help you conquer stress and anxiety, so you can improve your health, performance and relationships click here