The Gentleman’s Blog

Are you avoiding discomfort?

What I’m talking about here is, physical discomfort.

Everyday I’ll endure some form of physical discomfort.

Because I’m a sadist? Nope, quite the contrary.

I’m using the body to calm the mind.

Aside from the myriad of physiological benefits there are massive psychological benefits to the right kind of physiological discomfort.

Exercise, for example, induces structural and functional changes in the brain. Determining enormous benefit on cognitive functioning.

And cold exposure increases the production of feel good brain chemicals. But unlike nicotine & alcohol, there’s no come down (when those chemicals fall below baseline).

Although you should know, it’s rare that I want to put myself through this discomfort.

But knowing that I’ll feel better for doing them and more importantly, worse for not, is enough to see me get them done.

So, I schedule them in to make them habitual.

And if you’re thinking that I’m spending some ridiculous amount of time doing these.

Think again.

I’m an advocate of the minimum effective dose. The least amount of work that will get me the results I’m after.

Each week I’m doing 4 x 45 minute weight sessions, 7 x 20 minute cardio sessions, 7 x 1 minute cold exposure sessions, 1 x 43 minute swim (the time it takes me to swim a mile).

What daily discomfort do you make part of your day?

Cultivate a different relationship with your emotions

Cultivate a different relationship with your emotions.

Emotions are visitors, they come and go.

You could compare them to people that knock on your door.

You open the door and you meet a nice person and you have a pleasant chat.

Over time you cultivate a friendship with this person. And you invite them in.

That’s what we do with positive emotions.

Now imagine one day you open the door to an entity, something evil.

You slam the door shut because you’re afraid.

The next day is interesting.

You hope the nice person shows up, but you fear the entity might make an appearance.

(The entity being negative emotions).

And over time, we cultivate different relationships with the different emotions.

With the nice emotions we form a friendship.

And with the negative emotions we adopt a negative stance, an avoidance, to keep them out.

We embrace the positive and push away the negative.

Here’s the thing. Until you open the door to the negative (the entity) and invite them in, they’ll always be there.

Inviting them in doesn’t mean you’ll have a good time together, that’s not the aim.

It’s about the relationship.

You invite them in. You offer them a seat. And you listen to them.

And once you’ve listen to them they’ll probably walk out.

Cultivate a different relationship with your negative emotions! Rather than trying to reduce their intensity or occurrence.

Negativity will show up now and then, sooner, later, always.

It’s ok to feel it, and it’s important you do.

Take this first step, even a tiny opening of the door.

Otherwise the entity will keep standing there.

And you’ll fret about it knocking on the door. To a point where you start panicking. Turning off the lights, locking door and boarding it up.

You create a fear of fear. A cycle.

But when you take this first step. You’ll notice you’re no longer afraid of that feeling.

They’ll no longer hold you back from doing what you want to do. And what you need to do to improve your life.

Gratitude should be your attitude

Evolution has attuned us to notice negative stimuli more readily.

And remember them more vividly compared to positive ones.

This threat-focused negativity bias was once imperative to our early ancestors’ survival.

While living in the modern era we may not face the same dangers. The bias still plays an important role as we look for potential threats.

For instance, we become waylaid by criticism.

Hung up on life’s unpleasantries.

And consistently weigh the negative aspects of events more heavily than the positive.

Filtering & disqualifying the positive things that happen, undermining much of life’s richness.

We disregard or dismiss countless enjoyable aspects of everyday life as unimportant.

So, it’s imperative to pay deliberate attention to the good things that happen. Regardless of how small or insignificant they may seem on the surface.

Gratitude has helped me:

feel more positive emotions,
build strong relationships,
relish good experiences,
improve my health,
& deal with adversity

I practice gratitude daily as part of my 321 journaling method.

Writing down 3 things that happened in my day I’m grateful for and why I’m grateful for them.

Practicing gratitude isn’t a huge thing, but the change it’s made to my outlook is.

How to make 2023 your year!

Happy New Year to you.

You may be using this time of the year to address working on yourself, and setting some self improvement goals.

Putting some resolutions together which sees you full of enthusiasm.

You say to yourself ‘this is it, this the year that everything changes’.

And come January 1st you set off like a monkey out of a box.

You follow the spreadsheets of life changing tasks you found on the internet.

Some of them seem a little far fetched. But the motivational guru you saw on Facebook was very confident in telling you that’s what’s required.

So you knuckle down and make a start.

It feels good to know you’re doing something for yourself. Something that will change your situation. Something that will transform your life!

Sure there’s a lot to do and sometimes there are clashes with other responsibilities. But it’s ok, it’ll work itself out. 

A week passes and you’ve noticed the daily actions take a long time. You’re finding that because they take so long you’re not completing them. 

But it’s early days. It’ll work itself out.

Another week passes.

You’ve noticed the no negotiation hardline for working on yourself has been lifted. 

Family and work obligations have now resumed the top spot on your priorities list. And your resolutions have taken a back seat.

February your enthusiasm is fading.

And by March it’s completely gone.

Sound familiar?!

How many years have you experienced this?

It’s commendable that you want to change your situation and become a more integral man.

But the mistake you’ve been making is trying to crowbar in time for these tasks (most of which are redundant).

And you were relying on motivation.

What you have to understand is self improvement comes down to building self control. Which is required to remove the bad habits and replace them with good ones.

And you don’t find time…

…you make time!

By removing the distractions and bad habits from your life. The ones that leach your time and drain your life force.

Doing so will free up time, more than enough time for the good habits, the ones that enrich your life.

I must stress that this is simple, not easy.

And I say it’s not easy because you’re going to have to build self control. To resist temptations from others (this means saying no) and also from your innate drives.

Because giving into these temptations in today’s world is dangerous. 

Social media,
Fast food,

rob you of your time, focus and wellbeing. This is why cutting them out is imperative.

Replacing them with: 

Deep work 
Family time
Investing (money and in yourself)

is when you’ll see an improvement physically, emotionally and spiritually.  

It’s about adopting an essential approach, a disciplined pursuit of less.

Because right now if you had more time, you’d only fill it with more distractions. You need to cut out the distractions and action the essentials.

Improve your life by doing less, not more!

I like to call this the minimum effective dose. Performing small actions that see you make marginal gains. 

After adhering to them for long enough they become habitual. And these habits compound into huge changes.

If you’d like to discuss changing your situation click here.

22 lessons from 2022

1. Confidence is on the other side of fear 


Fear is something that’s hardwired into us. But it’s redundant for most modern day scenarios.

You’ll find confidence when you act despite fear.

2. Invest in yourself

Coaching, courses, communities.

If there was ever a “shortcut” to success. It’s this.

My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.

3. Surround yourself with people who are better than you

If you’re the smartest, strongest, or highest achieving person in the room…

…you’re in the wrong room.

The people we surround ourselves with have a huge impact on us.

4. Gratitude

We’re hardwired to the negative and society perpetuates this.

Gratitude flips the script.

You change the narrative when you start taking stock of what you have instead of what you don’t.

5. Explore your curiosities 

Do you find something interesting? Go and explore it. Start investigating.  

You never know what opportunities it may open for you. 

Don’t wait for others. Do it alone if you have to.

You’ll be much happier doing things you want to do by yourself, than doing things you don’t want to do with others.

6. Outside of your comfort zone is where you grow

Ever experience that uncomfortable feeling when in an unfimilar situation?

It means you’re putting yourself out there! 

If you’re not experiencing this, it means you could be stuck inside your comfort zone.

7. The power of “no”

‘Yes’ is our default social obligation response to appease others, so as not to be ostracized from the group. 

But, saying “yes” to everything is a sure fire way to give up control of your life.

Let the power of “no” liberate you.

8. Consistency is the key that unlocks success

Success requires consistency.

Consistency requires discipline.

Discipline requires you to build effective systems into your life.

Systems are formed through habits.

Make a start.

9. Start journaling

Journaling is fantastic for gaining a better understanding of yourself.

Some of benefits I’ve got from journaling this year:

– Less stressed
– More focused 
– Sense of gratitude
– Increased self-awareness
– Baseline happiness increased. 

10. Relationships

Isolated and alone you’ll struggle.

Relationships are the hand holds that support you in life.

The quality of your relationships has a huge effect on the quality of your life.

Don’t wait on others, reach out, connect.

11. Sleep impacts every aspect of your life

– Mood
– Focus
– Hunger
– Decision making

You’re not getting by on 4 hours sleep, you’ve just gotten used to feeling like shit!

If you want to optimise your life — sleep is the best place to start.

12. Your mind is a monkey in a cage throwing feaces

It urges you to scratch that immediate gratification itch all day.

It spews out random thoughts 24/7.

But once you understand these thoughts are not the truth but stories we get caught up in. And you learn to control those urges. Life get’s a whole lot easier.

13. You can get a whole days work done in 4 hours

This system has improved the quality of my work and saved me so much time:

1. Block out 60-90 minutes (routine)
2. Assign only one task to each block and avoid multitasking
3. Get some coffee and L-theanine before you start 
4. Turn off your phone and notifications on your computer 
5. Listen to instrumental music/binaural beats/brown noise
6. Take 15-minute breaks between blocks

14. Attention is a finite resource

Where you allocate your attention will decide the outcome of your life.

Decide what matters most to you.

Assign your attention accordingly.

15. Silence and time to yourself

In a world where you’re being constantly stimulated it’s imperative that you unplug. Take time to be alone in silence, no music, no devices, no people.

Some options:

– Writing is journaling meditation.
– Hiking is walking meditation.
– Sitting quietly is direct meditation.

16. Your health comes first

Before everything else, before anyone else. 

I’ll use the old adage; ‘fix your own facemask before helping others.’

Optimise these:

– Exercise
– Diet
– Stress
– Sleep

17. Your ability to delay gratification will determine where you end up in life

It sounds extreme, but it’s true.

You wouldn’t plant a seed, and dig it up every 2 days to check on it.

True growth requires patience and discipline.

18. Wealth is the difference between income and spending

Everyone is caught up in upgrading their lifestyle.

Earning more to buy things they don’t need. To keep up with others.

Peace of mind comes from controlling your spending and saving (investing) what you don’t spend.

19. Keep learning

Learning keeps you young.

But remember to apply what you’ve learned. 

Because not doing is the same as not knowing.

20. Discipline > motivation

Everyone is reliant on motivation to take action. That’s why they don’t make any progress.

Motivation is doing it when you feel like it. Discipline is doing it when you don’t!

21. Start the day right

Your morning sets the tone for the day.

What works for me:
– Phone away for the first hour after waking
– Hydrate (water)
– Walk outside (commute) for silence
– Read
– coffee
– Get to work

22. Be happy now

Read that again.

Everyone back loads their life. Putting off happiness until some future scenario has been achieved.

‘I’ll be happy when…’

or they tell themselves

‘I want to be happy.’ 

The problem is…

…when you tell yourself you want happiness, you’re telling your subconcious you don’t have it!

Tell yourself ‘you are’ not ‘you want to be.’

4 reasons you’re not doing what you need to

Hello *|FNAME|*,

Have you ever thought to yourself?

‘why when it comes to the 11th hour can I not make the right decision and do what I need to do?’

you know this would benefit your self improvement and wellbeing

but instead you do something else that distracts you and steers you further from your goal.

The reason why comes down to several things:

1. Your reliance on motivation 

Permanent motivation is a fantasy. No one is always motivated! 

If you’re conjuring up an image of someone in your head. They’re not, it’s a misconception.

You might even perceive me as someone who is motivated. I’m not!

My motivation is fleeting at best. I’ve made my peace with not being motivated for protracted periods,  and yes I seize it when it’s there.

But motivation only makes the task a little easier, it’s not the determining factor of whether I do what I need to.

My point is this..

…the majority of the time I don’t feel like doing what I need to. But I crack on regardless.

Because I’ve built my discipline and increased my self control.

Plus, I’ve cultivated a routine and environment that doesn’t test my urges, a ‘Ulysses contract’ if you would. So I’m not getting distracted. 

That’s not to say I don’t experience temptation and the lure of distraction. I do.

But I’m able to fend it off by acknowledging the distraction.

Then I hear the voice of Gold Five from Star Wars telling me to ‘Stay on target’ and I swat the temptation away like an annoying mosquito. 

So I stay focused on the task, present with what I’m doing. Giving it my full attention. 

2. Hardwiring

We human beings have some outdated programming. 

Our operating systems are running the command: avoid pain, seek pleasure.

Whilst this programming was beneficial for us in the Palaeolithic era (to keep you alive). In the modern era it’s become detrimental to your wellbeing.

We live in an environment where food, fornication, stimulants, amusements are abundant.

This constant drive for pleasure, this archaic programming, is now self destructive.

Companies have tapped into this pleasure drive and are selling you products to appease it.

(which is insidious because they profit as you perish).

There’s now so much pleasure immediately available we’re over consuming. And it’s making us weaker and unhappier.

But you can help yourself. You can recognise the outdated pleasure command and start re coding your mind.

Enter this:

   partake in activities (that bring) {        
    short term pain(and long term gain);    

3. Irrelevant goals

Ask yourself; is it actually your goal or are you going along with the masses?

Are you confusing society’s goals with your own? ‘Keeping up with the Jones’. Upgrading your lifestyle but never stopping to ask yourself: 

‘if I didn’t care about what others thought, would I still have this as a goal? Or have I been caught up in the facade that I need x because they have it?

When we’re not doing the things that improve our human experience (the things that enhance our wellbeing) we’ll distract ourselves. 

We’ll start looking to others. Making comparisons with people who we shouldn’t be. Forming goals and desires based on what they’ve got. 

Reminder: if the grass seems greener it’s usually because you haven’t been watering your side! 

but these desires are usually superficial.

And here’s the kicker; with superficial goals come superficial rewards.

Happy on the outside (what’s shown to others), but unfulfilled on the inside.

So dig deep and do what you want to do. If it’s different to the herd’s ideal then you’re on the right track! 

4. Absence of a routine

Do you find your days are pretty much you performing random tasks based on how you feel?

Or tasks other people have given you because you have no plans of your own? 

This is the definition of operating on a whim.

Without a plan, a routine, you’ll experience inconsistence.  

Here’s where a routine would be beneficial.

Before you open your calendar and start inputting tasks to fill your time.

I’ve found the best way to go about this is to reverse engineer your goal.

Start off with your purpose, which is your North Star, your direction to follow. This is important because when you have purpose, what you’re doing will mean more to you. 

Then you’ll need to set a goal. It’s one thing to know your purpose, but how will you go about fulfilling it? 

Set a goal that’s tangible. Make it big, make it specific and give it a deadline. 

Now you know your purpose and you know how to realize it (with your goal). You need to know how to get there. 

This is why having a plan is important. It allows you to break your goal down. All the way to daily actions. 

After that you build habits. Habits are systems and processes for your life. They ease the smooth running of your day. Most of the time you’ll do them automatically. 

Achieving your goal is inevitable when you transfer actions from your plan into habits. 


Speak soon


How to fix your sleep in 7 simple steps

How would you rate your sleep?

Recently I put out a poll on social media asking which area of people’s lifestyle they struggled with.

As expected sleep was the resounding ‘winner’.

Not surprising as 23 million people in the UK suck at it. 

Which is heart-breaking, because if you get it right, sleep will energise you more than any stimulant can.  

A poor night’s sleep sucks your emotions dry. I know this all too well.  

I use to hate going to sleep knowing that I was just going to lie there for what felt like an eternity until I finally drifted off.

That was until I discovered what makes you sleep better than a Koala!

It’s not that I was a bad sleeper per-se. It was because I was doing things that was impacting my sleep. 

So fixing those, plus adding in some other things means I’m sleeping better than ever. I now can’t wait to go to bed.

And I drop off with ease. I go out faster than an energy saving light bulb.

So here are 7 rules to help you get the revitalising sleep you need.  

1. Don’t have a big meal before bed have a small snack instead.   

A big meal will activate your digestive system for a long time and keep you awake.   

whereas a small snack won’t and it’ll boost tryptophan & serotonin, fuelling your sleep. I go with a slow release carb based snack an hour before bed (porridge and some whey).

2. Have a caffeine cut off time.  

Caffeine blocks adenosine (the chemical that builds sleep pressure).  

The more caffeine in your system the harder it’ll be to fall asleep.  

Have a cut off time at least 6 hours before your bedtime. 

3. Use blue light blocking glasses.  

Most devices emit a blue light, which blocks a hormone called melatonin that makes you sleepy.   

This makes you less drowsy and it takes you longer to fall asleep.  

So I pop on my blue light glasses 90 minutes before bed.

These are the one’s I use 

4. Have a warm shower or bath before bed.  

Your body’s core temperature cools down afterward. This sends a signal to your brain to go to sleep.  

Have a shower or bath 90 minutes before bed in water at 104 to 109°F (40 to 43°C). 

5. Have a cool bedroom.  

If your bedroom is too warm you’ll have a hard time falling asleep.

Set your thermostat to a cool temperature between 60–67°F (15.6–19.4°C). 

6. Have a sleep schedule.

Your body has a regulatory system called the circadian rhythm.  

So waking up and going to bed at the same times each day help your internal clock keep a regular schedule.  

Experiment with times to get in sync with your circadian rhythm.

7. Practice mindfulness or meditation.  

When you’re stressed, you’ll have difficulty falling asleep.  

Meditation, and mindfulness are tools to calm the mind and relax the body.  

Headspace is good for meditation.  

Or if you prefer to journal (like me) use the 321 technique.

Here’s a guide on how

If you want more help with other areas of your health and wellbeing you can download my Vitality guide. The guide includes guidance on nutrition, exercise, sleep and stress management

Download here

If you have any other questions reply to this email and I’ll get back to you.

To the Himalayas and back


It has been a while, 3 weeks to be exact.

The reason for my brief hiatus. Well, for the first time in years I took a complete break from work.

To take some time to myself (which is rare these days).

So I put myself in an environment where I was well and truly ‘off the grid’.

I did this as I realised that on previous holidays I’d find myself working.

My family would be by the pool or on the beach and I’d sneak off back to the hotel room to check emails or messages.

Not conducive to relaxation and by doing so misses the point of the holiday.

But on this break working was out of the question. No room for a laptop and the Wi-Fi in the Himalayas is sketchy to non existent!

So this was a proper holiday.

Although on reflection calling it a holiday would be far fetched.

Because when you’re away for several weeks in a place where there’s:

*No hot water (sometimes no water)

*Sporadic electricity availability

*Little sleep allowance

*-20 degree nights

*No toilets (well, a bucket inside a small tent/a hole in the ground).

*And the average day of hiking circa 15km across varied terrain. That ranged from uphill to very steep (‘Nepali flat’ as our guides called it).

You can’t call it a holiday.

I’d call it a break.

Another challenge to put me out of my comfort zone.

And this was by far the most punishing of all my challenges to date.

What I did find was, because this challenge took place in an inhospitable environment,

where everyday I’d wake up with a mind bending headache.

Knowing I was over 500miles away from my family.

Fully aware that everyday was going to be a slog and that I had to rely on myself to get through it.

You become more resilient, and your resolve is strengthened.

Problems and stresses that were all encompassing at home now seemed trivial.

Normal holiday concerns like;

Which restaurant will we dine at tomorrow.

Do I spend a day by the pool or at the beach?

Were replaced by:

Do I have enough water?

Why is my heart racing?

Am I having an asthma attack? (most nights)

When is my next meal coming?

There were no luxuries, no room service, no comforts.

You’re taken right down to the bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs.

A real test of discipline and resilience. That took me to my physical and mental limits.

The physical limits were battling against altitude. Which pushes you down as you try and climb higher.

And the mental challenges were things like:

Unzipping myself from a frost covered sleeping bag in the middle of the night. Putting on a head torch then clothing and boots. Leaving the tent to walk 100meters over rocky terrain to the toilet. All the while knowing that, although rare, Snow leopards operated in the area!

And also making my peace with a freezing cold shower knowing that it might be the last for some days.

This was the status quo for 2 weeks whilst we trekked higher and higher. A slow and steady ascent to give us the best possible chance to adjust to the altitude.

The effects of which nothing could prepare you for!

I’m telling you now – I was as prepared as I could have been with my health and fitness. Although the altitude still bent me in half!

And although I was able to overcome the altitude sickness. The same couldn’t be said for everyone in the group.

It was devastating for those who’d succumb to it and had to be evacuated by rescue helicopter.

Knowing that was the end of their expedition and their goal of reaching the Summit.

Yet this pales in significance to what I’m about to tell you.

On the Sunday after returning to camp after our summit of Lobuche. We sat down in our dining tent for our celebratory dinner.

Everyone was in good spirits. We were elated. After all we had all Summited the Mountain.

Drinks were flowing, music was playing it was a great atmosphere.

But half way through the festivities one of the members of the 2nd expedition team came into the tent.

He apologised for his interruption and said that he didn’t want to ruin the celebrations.

But he thought it best we knew..

…one of their group had passed away a few hours ago!

He told us that shortly after leaving camp on their push for the summit the guy had complained of chest pain.

The guide with the group told him to return to camp and rest in his tent.

That was the last time anyone would see him alive.

Several hours later, on returning from the summit. The person sharing his tent made the harrowing discovery. He alerted everyone and efforts were made to revive him

Although it was too late.

He had passed several hours before.

The mood in the dining tent went from jubilation to sorrow.

The news hit us all hard.

It brought home the stark reality; that we were all very fortunate.

And we’d been spared by this cruel and unforgiving environment.

In light of the news we delayed our plans to leave high camp that afternoon and stayed for one more night at high camp.

We were told that the Sherpa’s would carry the deceased to the helipad in the morning. And after that we would make our descent to Pheriche.

I remember walking out of high camp feeling very emotional. Taking one last look at the mountain. Feeling very fortunate to be leaving high camp and on my way home.

With objective 1 achieved (Summit Lobuche East) objective 2 (Make it home) was now in play.

One of the members of the group quoted to me on the trek:

until you make it down to the bottom, you belong to the mountain.

That reverberated in my head all the while we were climbing down from high camp.

I became more cautious with my footing. More vigilant about the surroundings.

All my focus was on getting home.

The tragedy had definitely made me more attentive and respectful to the environment.

A few days later we arrived in Lukla and The Tenzing-Hillary Airport. This was the last part of the expedition.

Flying out of the World’s most dangerous airport.

This airport has its runway laid out on a cliffside between mountains. When I say runway we’re talking only 1,729 feet of it. Dropping straight into an abyss at the end.

Although this is nothing you can worry about. The responsibility is out of your hands and in those of the pilot’s and the plane.

All you can do is enjoy the ride.

I found the safety talk from the air hostess particularly amusing.

She stood hunched over in the tiny fuselage and informed the 10 of us where the emergency exits were.

All the while I was thinking to myself that any impact at all would see this toy plane disintegrate. And emergency exits wouldn’t be an issue.

Thankfully the plane held together and we landed safely at Rammechap airport. Ready for the next ordeal. A minibus transfer through the hills that made you feel like you were on one of those virtual reality rides.

Sheer drops, questionable overtaking manoeuvres, animals in the road. And potholes that could be mistaken for meteor strikes. All added to the excitement of this white knuckle ride.

Thankfully the blessing I received in Dingbouche from a Lama a few days before our climb was holding. And we made it to Kathmandu.

Kathmandu aka the place the Health & Safety daren’t step foot. Was the final destination of the expedition. Our arrival there marked the end of our travels.

Finally I could relax in this chaotic and stunning location. Knowing that tomorrow I’d be on a plane home having achieved my objectives.

The day you became a successful man

In a society hellbent on being successful nobody ever stops to think about what success is.

Most guys don’t know what success means to them.

All they know is; they want to be successful, so they pursue the things they think that success entails.

Shaped on societies definition, what social media, TV and media tell them it is.

Blinkered by the superficial and oblivious to the fundamental.

They pursuit superficial goals and wind up leading empty lives.

Bereft of integrity. Devoid of authenticity.

Driving a fancy car to a job they hate.

Returning home to a loveless home.

Backloading their life plans for ‘someday’ that never comes.

Exhausted from the poor habits they’ve picked up.

And broken by the stress they’ve chosen not to deal with.

From the outside it looks like Nirvana

But on the inside it’s a sesspit of misery.

That’s why it’s not success…

…if you’ve neglected yourself in the process!

If the means has only been to justify the end.

Then you’ve missed the point!

Real success comes from embracing the process.

Tests of resolve, the forging of confidence, improving oneself physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Having a sense of fulfillment from your livlihood, your purpose.

A loving relationship, raising a family and being a strong rolemodel.

Everything else is just noise.

How to get over fear

The common misconception is that you shouldn’t be afraid when it comes to taking action.

Especially with something that takes you outside of your comfort zone.

When you mention to someone that you want to do something. But you’re scared about doing it. They’ll give you some well intentioned, but terrible advice, like;

‘Don’t be afraid’ or ‘There’s nothing to be scared of’.

Because most people work on the assumption that you can turn fear off. And high achieving people have no fear because they’ve turned it off.

This is why fear is one of our most misunderstood emotions.

Which is a shame, because it holds so many people back from achieving their goals.

So I would like to help you understand fear.

You need to understand that the Palaeolithic software that our minds are running, is skewed towards fear.

Back in the day (hunter gatherer) fear was a more valuable emotion.

The cavemen that were fearful of the large shadow is the long grass. Lasted a lot longer than those caveman who weren’t that fussed.

The fearful would avoid the situation their ‘spidy senses’ alerted them to.

Whereas those that were fearless became the lunch of some prehistoric beast. And their genes would be unapologetically weeded out out of existence.

Which meant our ancestors survived, procreated and passed on their fear driven operating system.

Which means that fear will never go away.

It waits in the bushes for you!

And as soon as you try something outside of your comfort zone fear pops up. The red light that sees you jump on the brakes. And you stop yourself.

It feels like an automatic reaction. Like something you have no control over.

And after enough times of experiencing this, you form the belief of ‘I can’t do it because I’m afraid’.

Or ‘if I’m afraid, something’s not right and I shouldn’t do it’.

Here’s where I’m going to ask you to address what you currently understand about fear.

So you can get over it and start taking action!

When you’re about to do something outside of your comfort zone. It’s completely normal that fear pounces!

In fact it would be weird if you didn’t experience fear in that scenario. The absence of it means you likely have some abnormality.

(Or your ancestors where one of those Laissezfaire cavemen who luckily made it through).

I used to give into the fear a lot.

Over the years I missed out on countless opportunities from capitulating to this archaic software.

I’d find myself stuck. Wanting to take action, but too afraid.

Until someone helped me think about it differently.

Which changed everything!

And with this mindset I began doing things that fear had previously stopped me from doing.

Then as I became more confident with my updated software I started testing myself. Doing things to evoke the fear and see how easy I could push past it.

I took on the fear of being in front of a crowd of people wearing only my underwear (that all too familiar nightmare). Through doing a bodybuilding competition. Which saw me in shorts on stage in front of hundreds of people.

I got over my fear of swimming in the sea or any open water (probably from watching Jaws too young). Through open water swimming.

My fear of a getting in a fight through Boxing and Judo.

My fear of speaking in front of people through public speaking arrangements.

I was terrified before all of those events, but then I took that first step.

On to the stage,

into the lake,

into the ring

and soon onto the mountains (to take on my fear of heights).

Because as I’ve come to learn. As soon as you to take action…

…fear disappears!

And thanks to this new mindset I recognise that fear doesn’t mean I have to stop.

Because it’s not a red light…

…it’s an amber light!

And you have a choice to make when it appears.

You can stop which means the light goes red.

Or you can give yourself a green light and start doing the things you want to do!

The Disciplined Man 90 Day Coaching Program